Illuminate My World

How long I wept in silence

Years of holding on so tight

To the fear that surrounded

Lost in the darkest night

Shame 

became my companion

Always telling me 

the same rotten lies

“You’re dirty,

You’re broken

If they only knew how 

Ugly you are inside”

The light couldn’t penetrate my sin

I didn’t want to let 

anyone in

I stumbled as I fell further

To the thoughts within

How wide was the chasm

that stood between me and you

Lord, I don’t understand

I was just a boy 

Now a man who keeps 

wandering through

Life 

With fear and a longing

To be loved

But I couldn’t love myself

If you couldn’t save me then

Why should I cry for help?

More lies

Told to me

By the devil inside

High on your mountain

I saw you but I was lost below

Why should I believe in a ‘savior’ 

When you’ll be like all the others 

At some point you’ll go

Away

Leaving me by myself

It’s funny how when I look back now 

It was your presence 

I always felt

Your spirit 

I just couldn’t believe

That you’d take away

The hurt

that just never wanted to leave

Cause Shame

Is a lying con man

Seems to always be there 

when I try to stand

And then rips the world out 

from under my legs

Over and over

felt I was walking on sinking sand 

Until I found myself 

Laying on my belly

Broken,

Fractured

Not even a man

Back to a boy

Who just wanted to understand 

Deep

Is your calling

The well that never runs dry

Lord, I kept falling

But there was something 

That wouldn’t give up

And that’s the light you shine 

I couldn’t walk 

out of the darkness

I couldn’t even see

The pain in my center

Was shame’s lies

Taken hold over me

You held out your hand

“Here is the path.

Let go of those burdens

Let me hold you

Right where you’re at”

You loved me

As I learned to love myself

I no longer live in that place

My hands raised high -

In you I dwell

Shame,

You bitch,

You bastard

You no longer have control

I walk with my savior

Who opened his arms wide

He always holds

The light of his spirit

Gave it to me

When I couldn’t see

He banished the fear inside me

And he’s there whenever I need

Rest,

Reassurance

Hope -

What a beautiful word!

No longer a child of darkness

He illuminates my world

He illuminates my world.

02/24/25

clc

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

Ephesians‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬-‭19‬ ‭NIV‬‬